Aaron

[mooningremus]

Remus' good spirits had come to a grinding halt after his encounter with Willy. It was the indifference that was the worst part of it. It wasn't just that Willy hadn't loved him. It seemed he thought nothing of him at all. Even if he'd cared about him as a friend, he wouldn't have let him think this whole time that he'd d been the one to ruin it...

His finger felt naked without the ring. And he couldn't face going back to the flat. Not tonight. He almost went to a hostel. But there was one person he could call.

Or rather, he texted: Is there any way I might stay with you tonight?

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[mooningremus]

Remus closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't dump this on you. I just..." He laughed ruefully. "You probably didn't know you were signing up to be like, my only friend." God he was pathetic.

[quitollis]

"There will be more," Aaron assured. "You came out of a bad place. When you've healed, you can start forming new relationships."

He squeezed his arm. "And I like being your friend." A lot.

[mooningremus]

"My whole life has been a bad place," Remus muttered. "All the times I've been happy, someone has... someone has ruined the memories..." Sirius betraying them all. Willy making him re-examinine all of his happiness.

It was such a fucking horrible realization.

And then suddenly his face was buried against Aaron's chest and he was holding back sobs.

[quitollis]

Aaron hugged him, planted a soft kiss on his head and just let him there against his chest for however long he needed.

"You don't have to tell me anything unless you want to. It might help you, though, if you can." Another kiss atop his head.

[mooningremus]

Remus honestly couldn't believe that this meltdown wasn't scaring Aaron away. Instead he was being so nice, and...

It just came pouring out. "Not all my friends are dead. Sirius..." Remus had mentioned them all by name when he was telling Aaron about Hogwarts. Sirius, James, Lily, Peter. And from the way he'd talked about them there was probably at least a whiff of his feelings for Sirius. "Sirius is in Azkaban. Wizard prison. Because it's his fault the rest are dead."

[quitollis]

One man had used him for personal pleasure and nothing else , the other had caused the death of all his friends... No wonder Remus was miserable. And now he was associating with another murderer, with a man only good for violence. Aaron should probably warn him and advice him against their...whatever it was they had.

He would ask if Sirius was rightly in prison, but that seemed implied in Remus reaction.

"It's not your fault," he said quietly.

[mooningremus]

Remus would have objected to the characterization of Willy. Though he wouldn't have been sure if it was better or worse that it wasn't for pleasure, he was pretty sure. Possibly for cooking or cleaning. Or more likely, Remus thought, entertainment, pity, and perhaps fleeting affection. Like a puppy.

"I know it isn't my fault," Remus murmured. "That doesn't make it that much better." Pause. "What happened with Willy though, that was kind of my fault. He's right, he did warn me."

[quitollis]

"I think it's very kind of you to see it like that," Aaron said. "Kind to Willy."

[mooningremus]

Remus was quiet for a moment, then said, “It wasn’t like it was bad when we were together. I could tell you all the ways he was wonderful but I don’t think that would make me feel any better. In any case… I guess it’s clear that it’s over now. Actually over.” He laughed sourly. “I’m not sure what it means that he apparently intends for me to live in that flat forever for free. I guess he does care about me in some way.”

[quitollis]

"I don't want to speak ill of anyone on the basis of hearsay, but what you say reminds me of what Klaus said about him," Aaron replied, still holding him.

[mooningremus]

"I guess it doesn't really matter, does it," said Remus. He lifted his head, and wiped his sleeve across his eyes. "Thank you for being so nice, I know I'm a mess."

[quitollis]

"It's okay, I get it," Aaron said. He also thought he should probably come clean to Remus. He should know the sort of man Aaron was. "Tea?" he asked.

[mooningremus]

"Yes, please," Remus said.

He didn't want to assume that Aaron wanted to have sex tonight, but if he did, Remus decided he was going to do what he could to make it very good. Aaron was being so good to him, and that was something he could offer. Well, or he could bake bread.

[quitollis]

Aaron did not, necessarily. Or at least, he wasn't thinking about it. This wasn't his apartment and he didn't care much for sex under another man's crucifix.

"I know what it must be like," Aaron said, looking at the kettle and not Remus. "There was someone who loved me and whom I could not love back in the same way. It caused great pain." A start, he thought, of a warning to Remus.

[mooningremus]

Remus wasn't sure if Aaron was empathizing with him or with Willy, but he appreciated the candor. He offered a little smile. "I know that mine is not the first broken heart, and nor will it be the last. I'll... be fine."

[quitollis]

"No, I mean..." Aaron began, but sighed. " Never mind. I don't kniw why I said that. Only to tell you you deserve better, I suppose."

[mooningremus]

Remus felt as if he'd said the wrong thing, but he just rose to stand behind Aaron, close. "Can I help you with the tea?" He was just so grateful not to be alone.

[quitollis]

God, he was beautiful. In and out. "That's okay. Maybe find some cups? I haven't found them yet."

[mooningremus]

"Oh," said Remus. "This isn't your place. Of course." He opened a couple of cupboards before finding them, and brought down two simple white teacups.

[quitollis]

"I don't really have a place. I go where they send me," Aaron provided. He didn't mean to sound bitter.

[mooningremus]

"Right," said Remus. "Well I'm... very grateful you happened to be here tonight."

[quitollis]

"Are you going to be looking for a place of your own?" Aaron asked.

[mooningremus]

"I... guess I should," said Remus, somewhat reluctantly. "Now that I don't think he's coming back. It feels a bit pathetic to stay there."

[quitollis]

"It may be good to build something for yourself. It'll feel earned at least." He poured the cups and set them bith of the kitchen table.

[mooningremus]

"Yes, I suppose so," said Remus. And he had managed to save some money over the past year. He just couldn't help but still think as if he was scraping for every penny. "I mean. Yes, I will."