Aaron

[mooningremus]

Remus' good spirits had come to a grinding halt after his encounter with Willy. It was the indifference that was the worst part of it. It wasn't just that Willy hadn't loved him. It seemed he thought nothing of him at all. Even if he'd cared about him as a friend, he wouldn't have let him think this whole time that he'd d been the one to ruin it...

His finger felt naked without the ring. And he couldn't face going back to the flat. Not tonight. He almost went to a hostel. But there was one person he could call.

Or rather, he texted: Is there any way I might stay with you tonight?

Comments

[mooningremus]

"I... guess I should," said Remus, somewhat reluctantly. "Now that I don't think he's coming back. It feels a bit pathetic to stay there."

[quitollis]

"It may be good to build something for yourself. It'll feel earned at least." He poured the cups and set them bith of the kitchen table.

[mooningremus]

"Yes, I suppose so," said Remus. And he had managed to save some money over the past year. He just couldn't help but still think as if he was scraping for every penny. "I mean. Yes, I will."

[quitollis]

Aaron nodded. "I can't offer you a job, but we could split the fee I'm given, the Times that you join. Unless, of course, you prefer a more steady life," he added, hastily. "Then I don't recommend joining me too often." Pity, but probably for the best.

[mooningremus]

"I would love to keep working with you," Remus said with a smile. "I've never had a steady life, I see no need to start now."

[quitollis]

"Look... I like working with you," Aaron began. "I enjoy your company and... well, everything else. But..." Why was it so hard to say? "You're a beautiful person and I'm afraid that I will only disappoint you."

[mooningremus]

You're a beautiful person. Such sweet words, and Remus didn't even think that Aaron was just trying to make him feel better.

But Remus was a bit taken aback by the statement overall. "Aaron, after what you've just heard, surely you see there's an awfully low bar here."

[quitollis]

"I've always put the Church' needs above anything else. The work has been... ugly. And I've alienated those I cared for until I barely remembered them. I've... killed. And still, I enjoy the work. I've always enjoyed the work." That, in Aaron's view, made him a horrible person.

[mooningremus]

Remus wasn't sure what Aaron was trying to tell him. He suspected there was something he was supposed to be reading between the lines, but he wasn't sure what it was.

He hesitated, and then said, "Aaron, unless you're trying to tell me that you have an insatiable bloodlust and you do this job only as an excuse to kill, I don't find any of that particularly disquieting."

[quitollis]

"You deserve someone who's there for you," Aaron said.

[mooningremus]

That gave Remus pause. He lowered his teacup back to the table and carefully went back over Aaron's words.

"You mean, as a business partner, or a friend or...?" His voice trailed off, with the question mark obvious at the end.

[quitollis]

He said too much. "Yes," he said weakly. "I'm sorry. That probably happened in my mind only." Of course Remus didn't feel the same.

[mooningremus]

"What? No, I..." Remus' cheeks went slightly pink. "I mean, I um. I like you."

[quitollis]

"You just came out of a bad relationship..." Aaron said, not judgemental, but a carefully stated truth.

[mooningremus]

"I believe we established early on that you and I are both getting over relationships," Remus said, then added, "I confess, I'm not sure precisely what you're objecting to."

[quitollis]

"I just don't want to turn this into more than it could realistically become," Aaron said. "You deserve better than that."

[mooningremus]

Remus very nearly just said - so noted, you've warned me. But then, that was terribly familiar, wasn't it? Willy had warned him, too. Why would you be so stupid as to fall in love with me, my little mouse, Willy had said.

So, okay. He wouldn't be stupid this time. No falling in love with Aaron.

So instead he said, "I just tossed away a ring, I've no desire to pick up another."

[quitollis]

It was stupid to feel hurt over a sentiment he'd encouraged, but Aaron still felt a little hurt. But it was clear Remus didn't think of him as anything beyond a friend. Good.

Right?

"Good," he said. It was for the best.

[mooningremus]

Honestly, Remus felt slightly hurt, too. But he should listen this time, right?

Still, he looked away for a moment, awkward. After all, he's the one who'd said it: I like you.

He took a sip of his tea.

[quitollis]

Aaron liked him too. Too much, that was the problem. This was for the best. Expectation management. Surely.

"I just thought it would be better to clear things."

[mooningremus]

"Yeah, yeah of course," Remus said, nodding. "I mean, look what a mess I'm coming out of. This is good. And I mean, to be clear, I'm really enjoying... what we've been doing, but if you ever, you know, don't want to, it's totally fine. I just don't want to jeopardize a friendship."

[quitollis]

"Yes, exactly," Aaron agreed. "It's the same for me." He was really just telling himself that here, in the hopes to make it real. He had no idea how to talk about relationships, not his own in any case. The only ones he had for reference were his wife (they never talked and Aaron just sort of left) and Alain (they did talk, a little, but then Aaron killed a man and ran away).

[mooningremus]

Well, Aaron had said it. Friends with benefits. He really couldn't be more clear. And see, this was clear from the start. Much better than with Willy, who confused him right out of the gate with that "I'll love you for a week" nonsense.

"All right then, good, we're sorted," said Remus, and nodded.

[quitollis]

Aaron smiled. This was better. It wouldn't lead to disappointment, and it might save his friendship with Remus, which was starting to mean a lot to him.

"I've got a bit of a night off, tonight," Aaron said, changing the subject. "If you like, we could watch a movie. There's a television."

[mooningremus]

"That would be lovely," said Remus, thinking how awfully normal. That made him smile. "Thanks again for letting me come over, I just didn't want to be alone."