Aaron (hospital AU)

[mooningremus]

Remus woke up laying in a bed in the emergency room. "Where... am I?" he asked, his voice a croak.

"Ah, welcome back," said a woman standing by his bed. She was wearing a nurse's uniform. "You're in the hospital. A helpful bystander found you passed out on the sidewalk. You don't have any ID on you. What's your name?"

"Remus Lupin." He rubbed his head, and realized he was connected to an IV.

"It's saline," the nurse said. "You're severely dehydrated. Malnourished too from the looks of it though we're waiting for more bloodwork. Any medical conditions we should know about?"

"I'm HIV positive," Remus said with a sigh. "I... I'm so sorry about all this trouble. I'm fine, I probably just... haven't been taking care of myself..." Or more accurately, couldn't afford food.

"Well you should feel better once you're hydrated, and I'll send a doctor in to do a workup," the nurse said. "Rest."

Remus nodded, feeling like a complete idiot. Or maybe burden to society. Or something. And a few hours later he had a diagnosis of nothing worse than what the nurse had said. Though at least confirmation that his HIV status hadn't transformed into something worse. Sometimes he had trouble with food when the shelters were full, but he went to the HIV clinic to get his meds.

The nurse also kindly brought him some fresh clothes. He did feel better as he prepared to leave.

Comments

[mooningremus]

They got to Aaron's flat, and Remus said, "You should bring out whatever you think is the cheapest bottle of wine you have," and laughed.

He felt comfortable here. In all honesty he'd been sad to leave.

[quitollis]

"Absolutely not," Aaron said. "If we're drinking wine, we're drinking good wine," he said, smiling. "Also, I'm not sure I have that much choice in wines. Bottom left," he pointed. "You pick a bottle, but make it something you like."

[mooningremus]

"I know absolutely nothing about wine," Remus assured him. He bent over and opened the cabinet, and finally chose the one with the prettiest label. "But I do like roses," he said, showing it to him.

[quitollis]

"I would have likely made a similar choice," Aaron admitted. "The nicest label is surely the nicest wine."

He grabbed two glasses and a corkscrew and opened the bottle. He looked at it. "It'll breathe in our glasses, yes?" he asked, with a little teasing smile. He felt comfortable around Remus and it showed.

[mooningremus]

“Wonderful,” said Remus. He watched Aaron, thinking how wonderful he was, too. Smart, kind. Handsome. And Remus had to tell himself that this new knowledge about him didn’t make the feelings he was having anymore appropriate.

[quitollis]

Aaron smiled and passed Remus a glass, then sat down on the couch. "I keep wanting to talk to you about it," he then admitted, quite suddenly. "I just... don't know how. Or why, even."

[mooningremus]

Remus sat down beside him. He was quiet for a moment, and then said, "I have a rather complicated relationship with sex myself. Guilt, I suppose. Fear."

[quitollis]

"Guilt? That you might.... infect someone?" Aaron asked.

[mooningremus]

"Yes," said Remus, and took a drink of wine. "Since I was only a child when I was infected, it's been there hanging over my head the whole time. I can't have casual sex. Even if we're safe it's not fair for someone not to know the risks. So I've.... had very little. Sex."

[quitollis]

Aaron nodded. "I entered the seminary when I was sixteen. I had... well, there was a girl I tried something with, but it didn't really work. Then I entered the seminary and I dropped the idea entirely."

[mooningremus]

Remus hesitated, and then he said, "The shame you feel, is it... only because of your vows, or is it also because you want men?"

[quitollis]

"I've never understood the issues the Church has with sex and who is allowed to love who," Aaron said. "I did struggle a bit in the beginning, it seemed like too much of a burden, but... I don't think I would have felt less guilt if I had favoured women."

[mooningremus]

Remus wasn't sure how much he could or should ask him, but thought that Aaron would stop him if needed.

"But it's really just sex you want? Not intimacy?"

[quitollis]

"It's more about what level of betrayal I can live with," Aaron admitted quietly.

[mooningremus]

"And you believe love is more of a betrayal than sex?" Remus said, sounding a bit sad.

[quitollis]

"Well... sex is just the moment, isn't it?" Aaron said. And he could ignore how much he enjoyed holding them afterwards.

[mooningremus]

Remus decided not to point out that the way Aaron had sex required planning.

"What are the boundaries of your vows?" he asked. "Could you be with someone without sex?"

[quitollis]

"No," Aaron said, and hoped that didn't sound too sad. Then... "Well... I mean... I'm in a strange position right now. I don't really have a church any more. But as a priest, no, I'm not supposed to. Everything in the service of God."

[mooningremus]

"I don't think God would want you to be lonely," Remus said quietly. "I mean. If you are. You're just, you're a really wonderful person and you deserve to be happy and I can see how... someone would want to be with you."

[quitollis]

Aaron looked at Remus then, and smiled. "You're very kind," he said. So very kind. And rather lovely.

[quitollis]

Aaron too went a bit red and took a generous gulp from his wine. He looked to the coffee table. He really didn't know what to say.

[mooningremus]

Remus looked down at his hands. "I really am sorry that your evening didn't go as planned, though."

[quitollis]

"I don't mind," Aaron said. And then, with some guilt and a lot of anxiet and still looking to the floor, he added. "I prefer your company."

[mooningremus]

Remus blushed. "I just - it's true." And he didn't know what else to say. Afraid he might say or do something really stupid.