Aaron (hospital AU)

[mooningremus]

Remus woke up laying in a bed in the emergency room. "Where... am I?" he asked, his voice a croak.

"Ah, welcome back," said a woman standing by his bed. She was wearing a nurse's uniform. "You're in the hospital. A helpful bystander found you passed out on the sidewalk. You don't have any ID on you. What's your name?"

"Remus Lupin." He rubbed his head, and realized he was connected to an IV.

"It's saline," the nurse said. "You're severely dehydrated. Malnourished too from the looks of it though we're waiting for more bloodwork. Any medical conditions we should know about?"

"I'm HIV positive," Remus said with a sigh. "I... I'm so sorry about all this trouble. I'm fine, I probably just... haven't been taking care of myself..." Or more accurately, couldn't afford food.

"Well you should feel better once you're hydrated, and I'll send a doctor in to do a workup," the nurse said. "Rest."

Remus nodded, feeling like a complete idiot. Or maybe burden to society. Or something. And a few hours later he had a diagnosis of nothing worse than what the nurse had said. Though at least confirmation that his HIV status hadn't transformed into something worse. Sometimes he had trouble with food when the shelters were full, but he went to the HIV clinic to get his meds.

The nurse also kindly brought him some fresh clothes. He did feel better as he prepared to leave.

Comments

[quitollis]

"No, I know. Of course not..." Aaron said, trying to find something to say and feeling cornered. But it was a situation of his own making. "I mean... This isn't where I suppose you'd expect to find me. I- " Don't want to talk about it. Want the earth to swallow me. Want to leave and never look back. "I'm sorry," came out instead.

[mooningremus]

Remus didn't think this could possibly get more awkward.

"Don't apologize to me," he said. "There's no need, really, and I'm the one who... interrupted. I could - maybe I should just go. Though if you want to talk..."

[quitollis]

"You didn't interrupt. He told me you look out for him. That's... very kind of you," Aaron said, hoping to make this less awkward by deflecting from his own failures.

[mooningremus]

"I bring him books sometimes," said Remus. "He reminds me a bit of my former students. Er. Not his age, but imagining what they might be like now, I guess."

He hesitated, and then added, "Look, Aaron, even if... I mean... really, if you want to talk, I won't judge."

[quitollis]

Aaron smiled, even in this state, reminded of what a kind and non-judgmental man Remus was. Finally, he nodded. "Let's go somewhere else, though."

[mooningremus]

"All right," Remus said. "Whatever you like." He tried to smile reassuringly. Whatever was going on with Aaron, he was sure it was difficult. Because he knew with certainty that he wasn't simply a bad person.

[quitollis]

They got outside and the air was quite refreshing. "Perhaps we can just walk," Aaron suggested.

[mooningremus]

Remus nodded, and fell into step alongside him.

He didn't say anything, waiting for Aaron to speak. He didn't want to ask questions that Aaron didn't want to answer.

[quitollis]

The silence made it uncomfortable and Aaron found he did want to talk, he just didn't know... what, or how. "I don't know what to say," he admitted. "I know you're not judgmental, but I'm sure you... have an opinion."

[mooningremus]

"I'm only surprised," said Remus. "Beyond that... I just want you to be safe. Physically, emotionally..." Pause. "Spiritually."

[quitollis]

"I tell myself it's just... physiology," Aaron admitted quietly. "Better that than temptation. If it's temptation, then I failed the test."

[mooningremus]

“Is it?” Remus asked. “Just physiology? What about intimacy?”

[quitollis]

Was he really that transparent? Did he truly look that desperate? "I made vows. They mean something." Which wasn't an answer.

[mooningremus]

“I don’t care about that,” Remus said simply. “I care about you.” Pause. “But I understand that you care.”

[quitollis]

Part of why Aaron wanted to walk was that he could keep his eyes to the road ahead, and not have to look at Remus. "I'm supposed to care," he said. "I feel very guilty that apparently I don't care enough. This... This wasn't the first time."

[mooningremus]

Remus hesitated, and then said, "Aaron, if you don't want to be celibate, then you... you deserve so much more than. Um. You deserve more."

[quitollis]

"It's a bit complicated. It's usually not an issue..." Aaron said. "Just...sometimes." When he was reminded of what if was like to have someone close, even if it was purely platonic.

[mooningremus]

"... right," said Remus, clearly not quite buying it.

Then he sighed quietly. "You know... if that's what you need, then I think it's good that you've figured that out for yourself." He stopped walking. "Honestly, you should go back. Cade is a good guy. And I know he's careful, he stays clean."

[quitollis]

Aaron smiled, despite himself. "You're very kind, but... I can't. Not any more. It's...er... easier when I don't think about it too much."

A beat. "Thank you, though. For... this, I suppose."

[mooningremus]

“Don’t thank me, you might be better off if I hadn’t interrupted,” Remus said gently. “And I understand if you’d rather be alone now but if you’d like company or want to talk it’s not like I have plans.”

[quitollis]

I miss having you around, Aaron thought, but didn't say. "Well, I do enjoy your company very much."

[mooningremus]

“Well that’s very good because I’m not sure how else I might repay you for everything you did to help me.”

[quitollis]

Aaron smiled, truly happy to have helped. "Are you comfortable now? As well as you might be, of course."

[mooningremus]

He’d been considerably more comfortable on Aaron’s couch but he wasn’t going to say that. “It is nice knowing I always have a bed and a meal,” said Remus. “I’ve started looking for a new job.”

[quitollis]

"Oh, good. How is it going?" Aaron asked, glad for the change of subject.