Aaron

[mooningremus]

Remus' good spirits had come to a grinding halt after his encounter with Willy. It was the indifference that was the worst part of it. It wasn't just that Willy hadn't loved him. It seemed he thought nothing of him at all. Even if he'd cared about him as a friend, he wouldn't have let him think this whole time that he'd d been the one to ruin it...

His finger felt naked without the ring. And he couldn't face going back to the flat. Not tonight. He almost went to a hostel. But there was one person he could call.

Or rather, he texted: Is there any way I might stay with you tonight?

Comments

[mooningremus]

Remus would have objected to the characterization of Willy. Though he wouldn't have been sure if it was better or worse that it wasn't for pleasure, he was pretty sure. Possibly for cooking or cleaning. Or more likely, Remus thought, entertainment, pity, and perhaps fleeting affection. Like a puppy.

"I know it isn't my fault," Remus murmured. "That doesn't make it that much better." Pause. "What happened with Willy though, that was kind of my fault. He's right, he did warn me."

[quitollis]

"I think it's very kind of you to see it like that," Aaron said. "Kind to Willy."

[mooningremus]

Remus was quiet for a moment, then said, “It wasn’t like it was bad when we were together. I could tell you all the ways he was wonderful but I don’t think that would make me feel any better. In any case… I guess it’s clear that it’s over now. Actually over.” He laughed sourly. “I’m not sure what it means that he apparently intends for me to live in that flat forever for free. I guess he does care about me in some way.”

[quitollis]

"I don't want to speak ill of anyone on the basis of hearsay, but what you say reminds me of what Klaus said about him," Aaron replied, still holding him.

[mooningremus]

"I guess it doesn't really matter, does it," said Remus. He lifted his head, and wiped his sleeve across his eyes. "Thank you for being so nice, I know I'm a mess."

[quitollis]

"It's okay, I get it," Aaron said. He also thought he should probably come clean to Remus. He should know the sort of man Aaron was. "Tea?" he asked.

[mooningremus]

"Yes, please," Remus said.

He didn't want to assume that Aaron wanted to have sex tonight, but if he did, Remus decided he was going to do what he could to make it very good. Aaron was being so good to him, and that was something he could offer. Well, or he could bake bread.

[quitollis]

Aaron did not, necessarily. Or at least, he wasn't thinking about it. This wasn't his apartment and he didn't care much for sex under another man's crucifix.

"I know what it must be like," Aaron said, looking at the kettle and not Remus. "There was someone who loved me and whom I could not love back in the same way. It caused great pain." A start, he thought, of a warning to Remus.

[mooningremus]

Remus wasn't sure if Aaron was empathizing with him or with Willy, but he appreciated the candor. He offered a little smile. "I know that mine is not the first broken heart, and nor will it be the last. I'll... be fine."

[quitollis]

"No, I mean..." Aaron began, but sighed. " Never mind. I don't kniw why I said that. Only to tell you you deserve better, I suppose."

[mooningremus]

Remus felt as if he'd said the wrong thing, but he just rose to stand behind Aaron, close. "Can I help you with the tea?" He was just so grateful not to be alone.

[quitollis]

God, he was beautiful. In and out. "That's okay. Maybe find some cups? I haven't found them yet."

[mooningremus]

"Oh," said Remus. "This isn't your place. Of course." He opened a couple of cupboards before finding them, and brought down two simple white teacups.

[quitollis]

"I don't really have a place. I go where they send me," Aaron provided. He didn't mean to sound bitter.

[mooningremus]

"Right," said Remus. "Well I'm... very grateful you happened to be here tonight."

[quitollis]

"Are you going to be looking for a place of your own?" Aaron asked.

[mooningremus]

"I... guess I should," said Remus, somewhat reluctantly. "Now that I don't think he's coming back. It feels a bit pathetic to stay there."

[quitollis]

"It may be good to build something for yourself. It'll feel earned at least." He poured the cups and set them bith of the kitchen table.

[mooningremus]

"Yes, I suppose so," said Remus. And he had managed to save some money over the past year. He just couldn't help but still think as if he was scraping for every penny. "I mean. Yes, I will."

[quitollis]

Aaron nodded. "I can't offer you a job, but we could split the fee I'm given, the Times that you join. Unless, of course, you prefer a more steady life," he added, hastily. "Then I don't recommend joining me too often." Pity, but probably for the best.

[mooningremus]

"I would love to keep working with you," Remus said with a smile. "I've never had a steady life, I see no need to start now."

[quitollis]

"Look... I like working with you," Aaron began. "I enjoy your company and... well, everything else. But..." Why was it so hard to say? "You're a beautiful person and I'm afraid that I will only disappoint you."

[mooningremus]

You're a beautiful person. Such sweet words, and Remus didn't even think that Aaron was just trying to make him feel better.

But Remus was a bit taken aback by the statement overall. "Aaron, after what you've just heard, surely you see there's an awfully low bar here."

[quitollis]

"I've always put the Church' needs above anything else. The work has been... ugly. And I've alienated those I cared for until I barely remembered them. I've... killed. And still, I enjoy the work. I've always enjoyed the work." That, in Aaron's view, made him a horrible person.

[mooningremus]

Remus wasn't sure what Aaron was trying to tell him. He suspected there was something he was supposed to be reading between the lines, but he wasn't sure what it was.

He hesitated, and then said, "Aaron, unless you're trying to tell me that you have an insatiable bloodlust and you do this job only as an excuse to kill, I don't find any of that particularly disquieting."