mooningremus

Willy

Remus was in better spirits than he'd been in in quite a while. He'd been useful. He'd helped fight a demon. And Aaron... he'd wanted, and felt wanted, if only for a moment. He didn't know yet if it was anything at all, if it even could be since it seemed they were both hung up on their exes, but it had still felt good to feel good. And he hadn't in a long time.

Maybe this was why he'd decided to come to this place for the first time in a very long time. The cafe just outside the city with amazing chocolate. The place Willy had brought him on the day they met.

It shouldn't belong to Willy, he decided. After all, he was the one who liked chocolate so much.

And as he sat down and took a bite of a gooey, chocolate-filled croissant, an expression of pure bliss crossed his face and he decided it was a good decision.

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Willy was playing tonight and thought he'd bring the band some treats. His favourite place never let him down so Willy sauntered in and stood before the display case to make his selection.

But with his back to the tables, he could sense something. Smell something.

He looked over his shoulder, directly at...Remus.

Fuck.

The blissful expression fell from Remus' face as he locked eyes with Willy.

He hadn't known how it would feel to see him again. He'd believed Alice, of course, when she said Willy had returned to London. And it had hurt, knowing that he was back and he'd had no interest at all in seeing him. Not even to return to his flat.

But now, being confronted with it... yes, it hurt. And Remus also had no idea what to do. So he just slowly lowered the croissant without looking away.

Willy's mirth bled away, leaving him standing there, cold and aching, looking at the colourless shape of the werewolf. He'd sacrificed his very eyes and had left before he could lose more than that.

Every one of the songs Remus had given him began to play in his head and his heart ached. It was unfair, and he was resolute he wouldn't do this.

But he didn't move.

"What do you want, love? Your usual order?" the girl at the counter asked him, but Willy didn't hear.

Willy was staring at him. There was no way to pretend they hadn't seen each other. Though maybe it was good that Willy hadn't just turned tail and run.

After an excruciating moment, Remus lifted a hand and waved.

The woman let him stand for a moment, then beckoned the next person closer.

"Budge up, love," she told him.

He heard enough to step to the side, eyes locked on Remus. Reflexively, he raised his hand and then immediately regretted it.

Well this was rather awkward, wasn't it.

Remus pushed the chair next to him out with his foot. An invitation for Willy to join him.

Willy was drawn by the invitation and a moment later he was seated across from him.

"Hello," he heard himself say.

"Hello, Willy," said Remus softly. "It's been a long time."

Why did he have to be so beautiful?

"You look good," he replied, suddenly at a loss for anything to say.

"So do you," said Remus. Honest.

"I heard you were back in London," he finally said. "Ah. Alice came by." Pause. "It's... still your flat."

"It's your home, Remus," he said. "I could leave you at least that."

"Willy, I - " Remus was a bit at a loss. Part of him wanted to beg him to come back to that home. That things could be as they'd been. That he would bake bread and clean, and not sleep with anyone else while Willy came home smelling of other people. Had it really been so poor a bargain? Willy had plucked him off the street, showed him kindness when no one else had. He'd sang for him, and he was beautiful, and when they made love it was...

He didn't even notice that as he fretted over what to say he was spinning the ring Willy had given him around on his middle finger.

"I kept expecting you to either come back or kick me out," he finally said. "I thought you were angry." He wondered if anger would be better than indifference.

"I'm not angry," he replied, a bit confused. "You've only ever been lovely. So kind. So inspiring. Do you wish for a different home?" he asked.

"But... then... why did you leave?" Remus asked, now just as confused himself.

"There were no more songs," he said, as if that was obvious. "I set out for more."

Remus just stared at him for a beat. "What... what does that mean? You left me. You were angry about John and you just... you just left! You didn't even tell me you came back to London, I've..." His voice trailed off, and he was at a total loss.

"You've done fine. You have a new lover. You make enough to feed yourself," he said, a touch bitterly. All that really said was that he had been watching him.

You have a new lover.

Remus rubbed the back of his neck, and sighed. "I'm not even going to ask how you know that. But what, would it have been different two weeks ago? When I'd gone six months without sex? I wasn't okay, Willy, I missed you, I was..." He looked down. "I'm sorry, I guess it doesn't matter now."

"I'd hoped it would be easier for you to move on," he replied quietly.

Remus looked upset. "You... you let me think it was my fault. This whole time, I thought... I'd ruined everything by sleeping with John. Did you really not understand how much I loved you?"

He looked down at his hands. He hadn't raised his voice, he wasn't making a scene, but his hands were shaking.

"And did you not listen any of the times I told you not to?" he asked. "Remus, give your heart to someone else. I'm barely even kind to you."

"Well you've been exceedingly cruel for the past six months," Remus said, his voice clipped. "And I know... I know you didn't love me, but..." Carefully, he worked the ring off his finger and set it gingerly on the table between them. "But I did used to think you cared."

"I was only ever honest with you, pet," he said. "I gave what I could."

Remus wasn't sure what to say. He wanted to ask why - not why Willy didn't love him, he could imagine plenty of answers to that, but rather why it suddenly wasn't okay, what they'd had. Remus knew Willy didn't love him, but he'd thought he was happy anyway... wasn't he?

But suddenly... Willy didn't even want him anymore.

"You didn't even miss me a little?" he asked, feeling a bit pathetic.

"Would your heart prefer yes or no?" he asked, thereby dodging any answer entirely.

Remus just stared at him for a moment. "God, Willy, how can you... be so..."

He shook his head, and shakily got to his feet.

"You didn't have to ruin it," he said softly, looking down at him. "If you'd just... If you'd only told me, I'd have understood. I would have been sad, but I'd have understood. You could have at least pretended that I meant enough to you to say goodbye, instead of letting me think it was my fault, all this time. You could have let me keep the good memories."

He turned to go. Leaving the ring on the table.

He didn't think he could go back to the flat. But he also didn't want to tell Willy he'd move out, not until he knew he could afford another place. He had his pride, and his feelings, but neither outweighed the desire to not sleep on the streets.

Willy reached out and took the ring, looking at it rather than watching Remus go.

It was better this way, he told himself. Better the werewolf hate him than pine for him.

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Willy

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