Aaron (hospital AU)

[mooningremus]

Remus woke up laying in a bed in the emergency room. "Where... am I?" he asked, his voice a croak.

"Ah, welcome back," said a woman standing by his bed. She was wearing a nurse's uniform. "You're in the hospital. A helpful bystander found you passed out on the sidewalk. You don't have any ID on you. What's your name?"

"Remus Lupin." He rubbed his head, and realized he was connected to an IV.

"It's saline," the nurse said. "You're severely dehydrated. Malnourished too from the looks of it though we're waiting for more bloodwork. Any medical conditions we should know about?"

"I'm HIV positive," Remus said with a sigh. "I... I'm so sorry about all this trouble. I'm fine, I probably just... haven't been taking care of myself..." Or more accurately, couldn't afford food.

"Well you should feel better once you're hydrated, and I'll send a doctor in to do a workup," the nurse said. "Rest."

Remus nodded, feeling like a complete idiot. Or maybe burden to society. Or something. And a few hours later he had a diagnosis of nothing worse than what the nurse had said. Though at least confirmation that his HIV status hadn't transformed into something worse. Sometimes he had trouble with food when the shelters were full, but he went to the HIV clinic to get his meds.

The nurse also kindly brought him some fresh clothes. He did feel better as he prepared to leave.

Comments

[quitollis]

"Thank you," Aaron said. He wondered if the unspoken air here, the uncomfortable atmosphere was only in his mind. God, was he that desperate for sex that he read it in situations where if had no place?

He took a generous gulp.

[mooningremus]

Remus sat down on the couch, and took a generous drink of the wine as well.

After a moment he said, "You've been very polite not to ask, Aaron, but I don't mind telling you what happened to me. The scars on my face, the HIV, it's... all from something that happened to me when I was eleven."

[quitollis]

"I didn't want to pry, but if you want to tell me..." Aaron nudged gently. He was curious, of course.

[mooningremus]

"I, um... it was a bomb. At a railway station." Remus looked down at his hands. "You might have heard about it at the time. A lot of people died. I almost did. I had to have several blood transfusions, and..." He sighed. "It's rare but things slip through the cracks. I'm glad to be alive, though. Even with HIV and evidence of the shrapnel."

[quitollis]

"Oh, that's... That's terrible," Aaron said. He remembered the bombing. It had been on the news for weeks. Everyone seemed to know someone affected or injured.

An eleven year old wouldn't be in the subway alone, Aaron thought. "Who was with you?" he asked. He hoped they'd survived.

[mooningremus]

"Ah, my father," Remus said. "He didn't make it. My mother died about ten years later, cancer. I don't really have any family left."

[quitollis]

That was terribly sad. It must have been so difficult to go on without his father, and to support his mother though her illness. "I'm so sorry," he said, sympathetically. He could offer sound advice, but he didn't think Remus was here for therapy or a sermon. He put a hand on Remus' arm instead and squeezed it lightly.

[mooningremus]

"Thank you," Remus said. There wasn't really much else to say, honestly. "I'm happy to be alive. Even in the hard times. There's a lot of beauty in the world."

[quitollis]

"There is," Aaron agreed. "It's a testament of strength to be able to see that in dire situations. To keep that faith."

[mooningremus]

"It's nice to think of my struggles as just being a testament to strength," Remus said with a small smile on his lips.

[quitollis]

"Not just," Aaron assured him.

It was that small smile, in the end, that sweetness... Aaron leaned in and kissed him. Then, realising, he pulled back. "I'm sorry... I don't know... sorry."

[mooningremus]

Remus' eyes went a little wide. "Aaron... " He moved a little, as if perhaps he was going to kiss him again, but then stopped.

"I - I don't want to - make things worse for you," he blurted.

[quitollis]

"No, no, you didn't," Aaron said, rushed. "You couldn't. I just... I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. You're being very kind and I..." He sighed.

[mooningremus]

Remus looked at him for a moment and then said quietly, "I would be happy to kiss you, Aaron, if I didn't think it would hurt you."

[quitollis]

Aaron smiled again him. "See, you're so kind..." he said mostly to himself. "I'm sorry I made things awkward."

[mooningremus]

"It makes me happy that you wanted to kiss me," Remus said softly. "But... I don't want to be the cause of your conflict and pain."

[quitollis]

The pause was long before Aaron began to speak. "I went to the seminary thinking it would be no problem. I had no interest in girls anyway," he began, slowly, thinking as he spoke. "God should be enough. It pains me that... He's not. But that is between God and me, and it's got nothing to do with you. You're the cause of... me wanting to kiss you again and- hold you." He looked at Remus then. "You're nothing but lovely and- beautiful."

[mooningremus]

Remus blushed. He didn't believe that at all, but did believe Aaron when he said it.

He also didn't want Aaron to think it was one-sided, even if that might make it even harder. "Aaron, I was feeling things for you that I assumed were wholly inappropriate. But I'm well practiced at hiding such feelings. And I respect however you want to handle this." He bit his lip. "Perhaps we should have had this discussion before you invited me to stay here, though."

[quitollis]

"I didn't exactly plan it..." Aaron admitted, a bit sheepish. "I just wanted you around."

[mooningremus]

Remus nodded. He folded his hands in front of him then and said, "If you tell me that you are a priest, and we can be friends and nothing more, I accept that completely and would be happy for your friendship."

[quitollis]

Aaron regarded him. "Would you give me some time to... figure it out. I've-... God, this is... new. I've never felt like this about anyone and it's... I need some time."

[mooningremus]

I've never felt this way about anyone. That was enormously flattering and was not doing much to assuage Remus' own feelings. But he'd meant it when he said he could push those feelings away. He would rather have Aaron's friendship than nothing at all.

"Of course," he said. "Take all the time you need. I, ah... I won't bring it up. Unless you do."

[quitollis]

Aaron wondered if he was coming on too strong, but he had no frame of reference and he means what he said. Probably, he was only now allowing these feelings to come through.

"You will still stay here, though, won't you?"

[mooningremus]

"If you want me to, I would like that very much," said Remus.

He hesitated, and then he said, "I also just want to say... Aaron, as you think about what you want, I also just want to remind you, that when it comes to me, you should... remember that my HIV status is part of the package. There's no use pretending it's a non-issue. We don't need to talk about any of that now, I just don't want you to overlook that."

[quitollis]

Aaron went a little shy at that, but nodded.

He didn't think he should kiss Remus again, though he wanted to.

"Thank you... also for understanding."